Not this subject again....

Yep, sorry. We are going to talk about gay marriage again. I promise this won't last long. I just wanted to make one quick argument and see if I can get some responses.

Whether you like it or not most gay people were born gay. Most have no desire to reproduce with the opposite sex. Many are going to pair off into bonds with the same sex naturally. Some of these bonds will be very short and others will last a lifetime. Some will yield trouble, pain and hurt and others will be pure bliss. Most will probably be somewhere in the middle. Some gay people will choose to not get into serious relationships. None of that is any different at all, from a practical standpoint, as marriage.

It isn't as if there are gay people just waiting to commit to each other but can't because the law won't let them. Gay people are already in these relationships. Do you know what they call them? Marriages. They call their spouses Husband and Wife. They live in committed relationships just like many of you do. They are married.

Whether or not you give the same legal status to these bonds does not change the fact that they exist. It is only a question of whether or not you want to give the same legal status to them.

That being said, it seems to me that the only way you should deny these same legal rights is if it could be shown that doing so would be extremely harmful to society as a whole. Or at least harmful to someone. So. I have a simple question to ask those who are opposed to gay marriage.

What is the harm?

My mom taught me that it is better to tell the truth, even if it hurts.

I am a Mormon. I am an apostate Mormon but I am a Mormon nonetheless. Mormon history is my history. Nearly all of my ancestors at least four generations back are Mormon. It is not a conicidence that my last name is Harris and I am Mormon. I am a direct descendant of the brother of Martin Harris, Emer. He is mentioned by name in the D&C. He served as a scribe for Joseph Smith, Helped build both the Kirtland and Nauvoo temples, and practiced polygamy, a fact which I find fascinating. I wonder what went through his mind when he was told about polygamy. I wonder how he chose his wives. Were they chosen for him? Was he commanded by anybody to practice polygamy? Was it hard for him to accept the idea?

I am not unique. A high percentage of Mormons of all kinds, especially ones born in the United States and Canada, are descended from Mormons going back generations.

So you see, Mormon History is my history. It may be your history too. And I want to be able to know about my history. I want the church to tell the truth.

I am not saying they have to make an announcement about it. I am not saying they have to change doctrine or policy. They can quietly open their archives to scholars and historians and stop trying to hide the truth.

The Church has made some progress in this area. Their Joseph Smith papers project is a great step in the right direction.

But they need to do more. They need to give access to everything. Everybody knows about the vaults that The Church has and that they hold at least some items if historical significance. It is not known how extensive this collection is because The Church will not allow anyone access, or even give an inventory of the contents inside it.

They simply need to allow access to everything they own on Mormon history. Because the history belongs to Mormons, not The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

There is one thing else they need to do, and this might be the most important. The Church needs to stop excommunicating it's members who attempt to write open and honest history.

Is that too much to ask?

Facts

"Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." -John Adams

I have heard it said that you are entitled to your own opinions, but not your own facts. I do not debate facts. I am happy to discuss facts. I am happy to show you the evidence for the facts. But I will never debate facts with anyone.

The following are facts

Joseph Smith did not always have the gold plates in the room when he was translating The Book of Mormon.

Smith practiced polygamy. Smith married at least 34 women, some as young as 14. Some of the women he married were married to other men.

Smith coerced one of these 14 year old girls to marry him by promising eternal life to her entire family if she would do it.

Smith's translations of all three facsimiles from the Book of Abraham completely contradict the interpretation of their meaning by Egyptologists.

There is no DNA evidence for any people of Jewish descent ever being in the America's at the time The Book of Mormon claims.

There is no archaeological evidence for The Book of Mormon.

Until 1978 the LDS church did not allow black men to hold the priesthood or black women to attend the temple. Many of the church leaders at the time said this was because blacks had the mark of Cain on them. Others said that blacks were being punished for being less valiant on the pre-existence. Brigham Young said that the penalty for intermixing of the races was death.

These are all facts. And there are many more interesting facts as it relates to Mormonism.

You can interpret the facts however you like. You can ignore facts you don't like. You even have the right to not believe facts. I cannot do that.

So,

I will not be called "Anti-Mormon" for stating facts.

I will not be told I am hateful for stating facts.

I will not be called a bigot for stating facts.

I will not shut up just because facts make you uncomfortable.

I will not apologize.

Love; Grief; Legacy

Love

In November of 1983 I was five years old. I have a very clear memory of my Mom receiving a phone call around dinner time. I have a very clear memory of watching my Mom's face turn to grief as she was told the news that her Mom had died. My Grandma was a beautiful woman. She was the kindest, most loving grandmother a kid could have. I was lucky enough to live close by, so I got to spend a lot of time with her. I remember her helping me learn to read and write. I remember her showing us how to make little roses out of clay, a skill that I still remember. She used to call me her "root-beer eyed" kid. I don't think that she loved me any more than any of her other grandkids, but she had the amazing ability to make me understand how special I was to her. The short five years I knew her made an enormous impact on my heart and I miss her every day.

In April of 1998 I was twenty-one year's old. I had been on my mission for 18 months. I was awoken by a phone call from my mother. The simple fact that she was calling was suspicious, but as soon as I heard her voice I knew before she told me that my Dad had died. Me and my Dad were very close. After my parents divorce me and some of my siblings would spend most summers and Christmas breaks in Utah with him. My Dad had a tender heart and a propensity towards anger. Two qualities I can relate to. He was at the core a man who cared deeply for his kids. Me and my Dad were very close. We shared interest in too many things to list. But his heroes became my heroes, and his loves and interests became mine. I always felt as if he was what I would become. I never had any doubt that my Dad loved me. I knew it broke his heart to be so far from his kids after the divorce. I knew this because it broke my heart too. I looked forward to and cherished all the time we spent together.

I did not go home for the funeral. Nobody told me I couldn't. I never asked. I regret that decision. I was doing what I thought was right at the time. I was even doing what I thought my Dad would want me to. But no person should have to deal with the death of a parent without their family. I miss my Dad every day of my life.

Grief

When I left the church and eventually became an atheist I had to come to terms with truth. I had to come to terms with my own cognitive dissonance. I knew I didn't believe in any kind of afterlife, but yet I held on to the belief that I would see those I loved again. I had to come to terms with the fact that I knew I didn't believe.

I had to grieve them again. I could no longer tell myself that their death was just a very long separation. I had to admit the fact that their death was the end. I will never see my Dad again. I will never see my Grandma again. I will never see any of the other loved ones lost.

But more important than the grief, or possibly one of the steps of grief, I needed to find a way to make them live on. I do not want someone I loved so much to not matter anymore to the world. I needed to find a way to make them matter.

I haven't been able to do that yet, at least not to the degree I need. Maybe it isn't possible.

So I still grieve. But I no longer have the option to return to believing the fantasy. Once belief is gone it cannot be returned, not without a huge sacrifice in honesty. My Dad taught me to be honest.

Legacy

Both my Dad and Grandma were Mormon. They both came from a long line of Mormons. Nearly all of my extended family are Mormon. Mormonism is a huge part of my family story. I have said before that I am proud of my Mormon heritage, and I am. I can't help but wonder, then, how my Dad and Grandma would feel about the decisions I have made. I can't help but wonder what their reaction would have been. Would they have reacted angrily like the horror stories I hear from others? Or, would they have reacted with disappointment and love like my living family has? I like to tell myself that they would react with acceptance. But that may be just another fantasy. In my wildest dreams they would tell me that they always shared the same doubts and understand exactly where I am coming from. I think that might just be possible about my Dad.

One thing I do know is that in my mind I am still following what they taught me. I am trying to live by what I think is true. I am trying to be loving and kind to others. I am trying to fight for the rights of everyone and build a just society around me. I am trying to be courageous and valiant in fighting for truth. I am trying to live up to the legacy of my pioneer ancestors. But I can't blaze my own trail by always following theirs.

A religion that I could believe in.

# lived in the void. # was the void. # needed consciousness. # needed thought. So # became the universe. # woke up somewhere, someplace as the first conscious being. # was conscious for an instant before the consciousness stopped. # became conscious again, and witnessed the death of the first consciousness in the second consciousness. But, # did not remember this. # needs to slowly experience every possible consciousness in the universe. # will never remember any past consciousnesses. We are all #.

Lies, Damn Lies, and Apologists

While perusing an LDS apologist site I ran across this article that was a response to the movie 8: The Mormon Proposition. I have no interest in taking apart the entire article or even discussing the movie, except to make a point about apologists.
The article first makes this claim about the movie

17:37
Claim
A woman who is claimed to be a "former Mormon" states that in the temple "we promise to give of our means and our time to defend the Church and to forward its mission, and we're told that we will lose our eternal salvation if we don't keep that promise."

The apologists are being accurate here, this is word for word what is said in the movie.

The problem is their response

Response
There is no promise made in the temple that includes those words and no place where it is stated that anyone will lose their eternal salvation if they do not keep their promises. That having been said, there can be no question that to enter into any covenant with God and then to knowingly and purposely break that covenant must certainly disqualify the individual for the blessings that God has promised to the faithful.

I don't wish to get into any specific details about the LDS temple ceremonies, but anyone who has been through the temple knows that what the former Mormon says in the above quote is accurate. To claim otherwise is a blatant lie. But notice the full quote above by the apologists. Let me point out a couple of huge problems with their tactics.
First, they complain that

There is no promise made in the temple that includes those words.

Well of course it doesn't use those exact words. The woman wasn't claiming to be quoting the temple ceremony. Either they are deliberately being dishonest here, or they have the listening skills of a five year old.

Then they say

and no place where it is stated that anyone will lose their eternal salvation if they do not keep their promises.

This has got to be one of the most dishonest things I have ever seen a Mormon say. Yes it is true that there is no place in the temple where it states those words, but to claim that the Mormon temple doesn't teach that is absolutely a lie. Any Mormon who has been to the temple knows those are the most important covenants you can make. To claim that your eternal salvation doesn't rest on the covenants you make in the temple would be in contradiction with the LDS church itself.

Then their little game of deceit gets even better, because notice what they do next.

That having been said, there can be no question that to enter into any covenant with God and then to knowingly and purposely break that covenant must certainly disqualify the individual for the blessings that God has promised to the faithful.

This part is astounding to me. This entire paragraph completely contradicts the preceding one and agrees with absolutely everything that the former Mormon said. So they first attack what she says because she didn't use the exact wording that the temple uses, and then use wording that agrees with the exact intent of what the woman said.

I use this example, not to discuss gay marriage or the temple ceremony, but to point out how dishonest apologists are. They don't care about truth, they care about defending a position. Here is how an apologist works
1-Assume all the truth claims of the church are true.
2-Find any possible evidence you can to support those claims
3-Reject out of hand an evidence that contradicts it
4-If the evidence against becomes too overwhelming to deny, just assert that it doesn't really matter because proposition 1 is true.

I hope you can see that those tactics, while useful for maintain belief, are not the way to discover truth. You don't assume the conclusion prior to even gathering any evidence.

The real truth though, is that apologists don't exist to convince people like me. Apologists exist to give people who want to believe justification for doing so. If someone runs into a tough question but really wants to believe they can go to an apologist and get an answer. It doesn't really matter to people like this what the answer really is, just that there is an answer. All they need to see is that a bunch of smart people looked at the issue, found an explanation, and are still believers. That is all the believer needs to maintain faith.

I do have to confess one thing. I wasn't just perusing an LDS apologist site. I actually had a goal in mind when I went there. My goal was to go to the home page of FAIR and see how long it took me to find a blatant lie or misrepresentation by an apologist. I found the one discussed above in less than two minutes. It's just too easy.